21 2 / 2012
12 American refugees washed up on Cuban shore. Cuban officials are confused “we’ve never seen anything like this before.”
05 1 / 2012
Florida women calls 911 after her furnace failed and the thermostat read below 70 degree fahrenheit. “At one point I felt draft… It was horrible!”
24 11 / 2011
In Focus: Holidays
Daughter noted “sufficient amount of beer in parents fridge” to get her drunk enough to tolerate family on Thanksgiving.
17 11 / 2011
Potato’s Revenge
Oh you wanna be made into a cute little jack o lantern? Fuck you! How’d you get your own damn holiday?! You’re barely even edible! Pie? Please…You ever hear of the pumpkin famine?? No? BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED! It was the POTATO famine!!!!!! P.O.T.A.T.O. You think one million people woulda died if blight wiped out pumpkin crops? No, no one woulda even noticed…or cared…
17 11 / 2011
Headlines:
An Endangered Mammal Making a Comeback to our Florida Coast Lines.
Although fears that the BP oil spill would have a huge effect on their ecosystem. The WASP (an acronym for White Anglo Saxon American) and the Blue Hair still thrive on the beautiful gulf coastlines of FLA. Upon further investigation, a guy outside a bar in Downtown St. Pete noted ” WHO GIVES A SHIT!”
03 11 / 2011
In Focus: Job Market
US Bureau of Labor Statistics reports 1 in 3 Americans to be road side sign-waver by 2013
13 8 / 2011
Hyatt Place Kansas City Airport
Day of the concert. Dawn. Our recollections of the last 12 hours spent in Kansas City are very dim. All we know for certain is shortly after we checked in, two third world drug abusers dressed as hotel employees forced their way in to our room. Ransacked it. Drank all our liquor. Did all our drugs. Stole our dinner. The security precautions aren’t beefed up at this hotel. We’re looking for safer accommodations. Its a sad state of affairs when Mr. and Mrs. Bedbug have to go heavily armed to breakfast.
Hyatt Place Kansas City Airport
Helpful Hints: 1. There are venomous snakes in Kansas. 2. There is a path to Waffle House
